Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to align my fucking chakras
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