CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
