shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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