so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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