positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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