they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
