i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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