The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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