the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
