Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
