I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
