I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
