The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
