Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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