Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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