So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
