dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
