I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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