I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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