I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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