listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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