I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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