Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I will pee on everything he values.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
