thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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