they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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