Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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