Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I touched a dick in church today
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
