Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
