So drunk its hurt
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
