o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
