Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
