Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
