Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
