why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
