I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
