Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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