i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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