just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
