my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
