I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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