you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
