i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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