I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
