Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
