their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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