walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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