so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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