The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
