Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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