I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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