So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
