At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my sisters under your porch take her home
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
