you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
