In the future we'll all be gay
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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