Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
