I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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