You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
did you just send me my own nude
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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