How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
