In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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