His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
