i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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