"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize