I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
