I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
