1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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