Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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