Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
