I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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