Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
